I Remember the Sky Falling
by Sarabibliomania
Summary: I remember the sky falling. The stars and the clouds and the night all in pieces one after the other. I remember that it was sickeningly poetic. I ran with Peeta. We ran hard and we ran fast and he kept calling for Katniss. Others would save her. It was my choice to save him. Stupid.
1. Chapter 1

Note: I just came back from Mockingjay tonight and it was incredible! Severe lack of Johanna Mason though so I thought I'd write this piece as I imagined her time off screen. Enjoy!

I remember the sky falling.

The stars and the clouds and the night all in pieces one after the other.

I remember that it was sickeningly poetic.

I ran with Peeta. We ran hard and we ran fast and he kept calling for Katniss. Others would save her. It was my choice to save him.

Stupid.

They came at us with guns. And with nets. With shots and tranquillizers. And so I screamed. And clawed and bit and punched.

They wouldn't take me lying down.

There were bright lights and questions. Injections into my arms and legs that made me bite my tongue and smile through blood.

Fuck you.

They kept me in a cell between questions. Opaque glass and a cot against the wall. Quaint almost. Like a hotel or a hospital. With torture as recreational activity.

I even asked for room service.

I heard Peeta sometimes. Heard him screaming and then him crying. I bit my lip to keep from it. I didn't want him to know I was hurt. I wanted him to see me as strong.

That we would survive for each other.

They used shocks then. Doused me in water then ran the wires between my fingers and toes. They shaved my hair and criss crossed the streams over my skull. I screamed. And I swore. I saw things that weren't real. Things in a past I no longer had. I saw my parents. And my brothers. I saw their eyes as they were shot in the back of their heads. I saw the rot and decay up and under their cheeks.

I no longer wanted to survive.

They dragged me into see Peeta. Let us lie next to each other as he took my hand before they shocked me again. I felt his hands tighten as he tried to hold onto me and I saw his eyes close as he heard me whimper.

Stay alive, the boy with the bread. Isn't that what Katniss called him?

The lights went out once and I couldn't see the tools they used. The difference between living and dying as they made me scream over and over. I saw blood on their faces when the lights came back on. They asked me again.

I spat blood in their face.

Snow came to see me once. A great honour so I made a curtsy with bloodied and bruised knees. He lifted my chin and looked at me, the broken teeth of my smirk. He nodded and let me go, let the others resume their work like I was a student he was evaluating.

How has my progress gone? Tell me what are my marks?

The lights went out again. I heard a crash. Once. And then twice. I curled into the corner of my cell and waited for the men to come. The ones with the tools and the water. The shocks and the questions. They were taking longer than usual. I would demote them marks as such.

It was one man who came.

One with a mask and a gun in his hand. I grinned as I saw him: all set and ready to rescue the damsel in distress. He looked the part more than I did. My bloodied skull and ripped gown.

What took you so long?

You're safe now I thought, letting him pick me up and carry me. Let him hold that illusion of hero a second longer.

You're safe now,

I wasn't.


	2. Chapter 2

People in white coats.

Doctors.

Smelling of antiseptic with sterile tools and masks on their faces. The complete opposite of nightmares but I am pulling away from them and threatening to knock in their death.

Fine. What do they care? I wasn't the point of the rescue. I was the fine print that they had to save.

Annie for Finnick. Peeta for Katniss.

Not that I blame them. I am far from cuddly.

Then Peeta attacks Katniss and they start asking questions. Acting hurt and suspicious.

_What happened to you? What did they do?_  
>Oh, you know. Tea parties and picnics.<p>

She starts to visit me. Sits in silence that asks more questions then words.  
><em>What happened to you? What did they do?<em>

When I can walk I explore. Make faces at those who come too close until I soon cut a wide breadth. The insane tribute from district 7.

The one no one wanted but got anyway.

I start stealing Morphling from the other IV's. Just a little. Not a lot. Enough that I stop crying. Shaking and screaming. Into a pillow. My sheets. I can still feel their questions. Their needles their shocks.

_What happened to you? What did they do?_

They let me visit Peeta who went quiet for once. He stares at the ceiling and remembers and I slowly take his hand. He doesn't answer for a while. And then he squeezes back.

I'm not the handholding type. But even I'm inconsistent.

She comes to see me for me then. As an ally if not a friend. You're on my side, she seems to say. There are no sides, I answer back. No one will truly win this war.

She doesn't ask me what happened. She doesn't ask what they did.

I take off my shirt to show her. The needle like scars on my back. Up and around and curved and sharp. Like Wings, I tell her.

The wings of a Mockingjay.

It's cruel. It's ironic. And then I laugh until I taste blood.

I hear her have her nightmares. She hears me have mine.

I start to convulse when I hear water. Cry when it gets too close.

Peeta comes out and explores with me. We don't talk.

But sometimes I take his hand.

They broke every bone in my fingers. I swear with each crack. I was sobbing by the end. Laughing and then crying.

I start training as soon as they let me. Me and Katniss allies again. She pushes until she breaks. Too bad I'm already broken.

I will be there when he dies. When there is blood in his beard and fear in his eyes.

I will bash in his skull and scream obscenities at him.

_Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you._

I think I've gone insane, I tell her. Lying across from her on the bed.

Me too, she answers quietly. We go to sleep after that.

I almost make it. Bear the resemblance to a soldier. But they flood the streets and I cup my ears. Block out the rushing and my screaming.

Please no. Anything but that.

Back in the hospital with my own IV in my arm. I tell her she has to kill him. If nothing else then that.

I scream into my pillow at night. Agitate the other patients. They come to calm me down and I lunge and cry and bite.

I'm vicious. I'm an animal. I am the worst kind of patient.

I hear that we won. The Capitol is taken and Snow is now prisoner.

But Finnick is dead. Her little sister Prim.

I hold her hand when I see her. I'm not the handholding type.

They ask if they should die. All the capitol children as punishment. I'm bitter and I'm angry. I am their result. Their calculation without the carried one. I'm vicious. I'm an animal.

I hope they all die.

She misses when she executes him. Kills the Silver Lady instead.

They say she was insane. Couldn't be held for her actions.

I think I've gone insane, I told her.

Me too, she answered back.


End file.
